In previews for tonight’s Keeping Up With the Kardashians Season 7 episode (The Family That Plays Together), we are treated to Kris Jenner, continuing to be the center of the Kardashian/Jenner universe this week, refusing to represent Bruce Jenner’s son, Brandon Jenner, and Brandon’s wife, Leah, in their music careers.
(According to Bruce, Brandon is the only one with any talent. Normally, Bruce is the voice of reason in the KarJennerDashian clan but this week it seems he’s going off the rails. Bruce, here’s some unsolicited advice – I’m thinking your other 3 children might have heard of your television show and could possibly be watching and learn that you think they have no talent. Just saying, Bruce.)
Who knew that the Kardashians were America’s first family of tennis? (Well, I guess we do now, now that Kris has told us). Kris and Bruce, dressed like popsicle twins, played tennis on a friend’s court and, through flashbacks, we learned that not only did the Kardashian girls play tennis when they were younger but they also did not have stylists or wear too much makeup or have spray tans! Kris, in her role as decider of all things necessary for the family to move forward, takes Kim Kardashian to a tennis store where they proceed to buy all kinds of tennis gear, including tennis clothes and tennis balls. Their shopping trip ends with an exclamation point when Kris proclaims, “You always need fresh balls”. Amen, Kris.
When Kris starts playing tennis with Kim, with Kourtney Kardashian and Mason Disick (an adorable kid who really needs a haircut pretty darn soon) watching from the sidelines, it’s pretty apparent that Kris has watched Maria Sharapova on a regular basis and cannot play without grunting with every hit tennis ball. This, of course, proves so annoying to the K/J clan (with even Mason chirping in that “Grandma’s funny”), that it becomes a major plot point in the show. (I wish I had their problems, I really do). We know that the whole family will become involved when Kourtney (you know, the one without a filter) asks her mother “Is that the kind of noise you make when balls are in your face?” Oh Kourtney, you are too funny.
Of course, a hastily arranged family tennis tournament happens and every one of the kids grunts just like Kris each time one of them hits a tennis ball. After about 90 excruciating seconds of this, Kris Jenner becomes as disgusted as we are with the sounds, walks off the court and flings her tennis racket because “my kids have ruined it for me”. Again, I wish I had her problems. All is made right, though, when Kim shows up with a very expensive tennis racket and Chanel tennis balls and an apology for her Momager. That’s right, you read that correctly: Chanel tennis balls. Who knew?
In our second plot tonight (the one we were teased about in the promos), Bruce keeps pushing for Kris to look at Brandon Jenner’s video. Kris doesn’t want to do it because she doesn’t want “to mix business and family”. I’ll wait while you digest that and I can assure you she actually said it with a straight face. (Bruce, to his credit, pointed out to her the hypocrisy of that statement but Kris countered with her best argument yet. Apparently, she’s afraid of Brandon’s mom, Linda Thompson, who was Bruce’s second wife and doesn’t want to do anything that will piss her off. We need to get the dirt on this back story, we really do).
Bruce shows up uninvited at Kris’ meeting with Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds (her partner in her new music management venture). Kris puts on her unhappy face and scowls while Bruce pitches the video to Babyface. The video is finally played and, remarkably, both Kris and Babyface like it. We even get to see Kris do a little head-bopping to the music. Rock on, Kris. And Kris, in one of the few times that I can ever remember her complimenting Bruce, realizes that Bruce, by showing up at the meeting, has taken a page out of the Kris Jenner playbook. Well played, Bruce.
Brandon, resisting a lot of pushing from Bruce, tells Kris “thanks but no thanks” and tells his father that Bruce being proud of him is what he wants more than anything and it would probably be too awkward to have his stepmother represent him. Clearly, Brandon is far too sensible to appear on Keeping Up With the Kardashians on a regular basis.
Finally, we were treated (a term I use with a great deal of sarcasm) to the loving relationship of Kourtney and Scott Disick. Kourtney – who sleeps in a separate bedroom far, far away from Scott – has decided she wants more romance in her life. Scott decides to prepare her a romantic bath and then ruins the moment when he wants to put guacamole or pesto or some other nonsense food on Kourtney’s feet and eat them.
Kourtney takes to her bed and calls Scott on the phone (because walking from one side of the house to the other appears beyond her capabilities at this point in her pregnancy) and asks him if he wants to watch Titanic with her. He climbs into bed and Kourtney talks about the chemistry between Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet and asks why she and Scott don’t have that same chemistry or romance. Scott’s response? “You wanna see romance, check under these drawers”. What a sweet talker he is.
Scott decides that, since Kourtney loves Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, he’ll get a spray tan (including fake abs) and proceed to act as a faux handyman by banging imaginary nails into the shutters outside their house, in order to convince Kourtney he’s a romantic. It didn’t seem to work. So Scott has flowers delivered to the house, lights candles and orders dinner in to show Kourtney some “genuine love and care”. She eventually admits that, as a highly hormonal pregnant woman, she may have an idealized version of romance and is not appreciating Scott. Scott, of course, ruins the moment by telling Kourtney “bring it in for the real thing, bitch”. Sigh.
Unfortunately for us, Rob Kardashian and the always-sensible Khloe Kardashian Odom were MIA this week (and when, by the way, is the entertaining Lamar Odom going to show up in Keeping Up With the Kardashians Season 7?)
Next week’s preview looks like a continuation of the Baby Daddy drama, as Kris Jenner runs into the guy she cheated on Robert Kardashianwith. Sounds like fun. I suspect Khloe will make an appearance so at least that’s something to live for.